RELOCATING

I do apologise, my friends, but I have recently acquired a new website which I will continue to write on

www.alatartales.com

I apologise for this, but if you wouldn’t mind but pop over there? All the old posts are there, so it should all be hunky dory!

I am sorry, and goodbye… Long live Alatar Tales!

Your trusted source for charming speeches,
Mark

www.alatartales.com

On Ninjas (or pretending to be one)

Ninjas. The sneakiest buggers to ever walk the Earth. Legend has it that they can disappear into thin air, kill with just their bare hands and reappear elsewhere – ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

And let’s face it, they are much better than pirates, in terms of combat.

But pirates win on general bad-assery

At this time of year, costumes for pirates, ninjas, wookiees and Gandalf are being bought up quickly in time for Halloween, which promised parties, raves and irritating children being encouraged to be rude. I imagined that all of these may be quite expensive, so I was naturally a little cynical when told the upcoming college party was fancy dress!

I had a little Google around, and I found this.

That’s right, a ninja costume. For under £14! An adult one, too! So, naturally, I ordered it.

A nice little touch to the whole process was the responses that All Fancy Dress give to anybody who goes on their Facebook page, along with updates about special offers and even give a few lucky people a fiver off their order! (I know!)

So, these guys are cheap AND cheerful? I admit, I didn’t have the best hopes for the quality of my costume which was coming in the post.

Once more, I was pleasantly surprised!

Not only did the costume arrive quite quick (I think it was just 2 days between ordering and receiving, which is really good with the Post Office as it is) but it was the best costume I ever got! It fit, it looked pretty good, it’s pretty durable, came with all the stuff the site offered… I was really quite glad about it. A bit of browsing also showed me they have a very wide variety of costumes… If it has a pop-culture, it’s there!

So I suggest you all get your arses over there right now and find something at allfancydress.com

Oh, I hear that if you order something before 31/10/11, and you use the offer code “pumpkin”, you get free delivery! Just a shame I didn’t know about it when I ordered my costume :(

I’ll be sure to get pictures on when I find them… I was being especially sneaky that night!

The Parable of the Tree-Puncher

To read this post on my new site, please go to www.alatartales.com/?p=15

 

One day, a man named Steve woke up to find himself on a grassy plain with not a person in sight. He did not remember where he came from, how he got here, or anything previous about his life. His blue shirt and jeans felt slightly tight around his body, and the sun overhead was getting hotter, making Steve uncomfortable. Steve set off towards some nearby mountains, hoping to find some shelter.

In another location, Pigman also awoke. Pigman looked around him and found that he was close to an abandoned mine shaft connected to a village, the shaft almost certainly containing gold! Pigman, eager to find the treasure stored inside, sprinted to the village and stormed into the blacksmith, demanding that he hand over his finest pickaxe so he could mine all the gold in the shaft, along with some coal. The blacksmith, a kind and elderly man, gave the items to Pigman. Before the blacksmith could offer a word of advice to Pigman, Pigman left the building, leaving the door ajar.

Meanwhile, Steve came across a couple of tall trees at on the top of a hill. Steve had no equipment with him that may help, and wood was his best and only option. Using as much strength he could muster, Steve managed to topple the trees and collect the wood from the branches and trunks. Looking in disgust at the mess he had made, he found a couple of saplings in the shrubbery and leaves of the tree, planting them in the ground so one day they will replace the trees that Steve had destroyed. Steve used the wood to make himself a sword and a pickaxe, knowing that he may come across many challenges in the road ahead.

Just before Pigman entered the mine shaft, he remembered that he needed some sticks so he could light the way with his torches, using the coal the blacksmith gave him. A small, young oak stood at the mouth of the cave, and Pigman punched it down, caring only for the gold he would find. Leaving the torn up dirt behind, Pigman entered the cave.

With wooden tools in hand, Steve found a small patch of stone and iron ore that may be useful to him. Although it was beginning to get dark, and the task was time-consuming, Steve extracted the stone and used it to make better and stronger tools, making it easier to dig up the iron. With no way to smelt the iron, and night falling quickly, Steve ran to the village he saw on the horizon in the hope that he could hire a blacksmith to do it for him in return of a task or cobblestone.

Pigman lit the cave up in patches, ignoring dark and rickety tunnels as they did not contain gold. Upon finding a vein of gold, he hastily dug it out and used an abandoned furnace to craft it into a full suit of golden armour! Pigman was delighted with his creation, as he had dreamed of having this much gold for a long time! Hearing something hiss behind him, Pigman turned and saw a green monster hopping his way. He had so much faith in his new armour that he rushed towards the monster head on, believing he would survive the imminent explosion. However, Pigman did not know that although it is shiny, gold is a very weak metal and he did not fare well against the monster, and Pigman was never seen again.

It was midnight when Steve reached the village, and hearing screaming from a building, he rushed in to discover what was wrong… It was the blacksmith, and he was being punched in the corner by two zombies. Steve leapt towards the zombies and fought them, not wishing for the old man to die. Steve received many injuries, but eventually he slew the zombies, and gave the blacksmith his stone sword so he could defend himself, choosing the old wooden sword to defend the man with. After a long and arduous night, the duo finally defeated the last of the zombies attacking them, and everybody in the village rejoiced at the arrival of Steve and showered him with gifts, which Steve gave to the old man as his belongings were destroyed in the fight. The old man thanked Steve, and told him that he always had friends and a place to stay at the village.

And the moral of the story is: Do not chase the appealing things in life, and always work and strive to make the world a better place – for that is where true heroism and friendship lies